Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought to yourself, “Wow, look at that beautiful soul?”. Have you ever taken that precious moment to truly enjoy the wonders of the intricate markings on your skin that make you uniquely you? Have you ever cleaned your body with gentleness, calmness, and pure love?
When you awake to life, when you become conscious, your eyes suddenly see with new sight. Your ears begin to hear with a curious clarity. Suddenly, you view the world with a compassionate heart. All your senses clear away negative debris and you begin to truly feel the warmth of the rising sun on your skin. It’s as if you stepped into an alternate reality, but in all actuality, you’re beginning to awake to life. A life of being Present.
Being Present means utter contentment, peace, and happiness. As Eckhart Tolle details in his magnificent book A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life Purpose, being Present is key to truly just Being. In my personal experience, I’ve found there to be levels of truly being Present and in the Now. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, dysfunction, and trauma, I found that the more conscious I became, the more I would hesitantly trust in Life. Keyword being hesitant. With never having any trust towards any person in my life growing up, I consequently didn’t have much trust in myself. I quilted and shamed myself for not being able to fix the family’s problems and had a constant desire for perfection, my ego was very active. When I began to awake to life, I found that due to my severe trauma from childhood, I had some major decluttering to do to fully be Present and authentic. I bravely took on the task as I so desperately wanted to live a healthy, peaceful, loving life.
I found that a major trigger for my pain-body, as Eckhart Tolle characterizes, was relationship and body issues. For me, my ego and pain-body thrived on body shaming and heavy negative self-talk. Since my mother had been hospitalized for an eating disorder when I was a young child, it was obvious that her pain-body and ego worked the same. And unfortunately, my sister’s pain-body and ego latched on to the same merry-go-round of shame. Beginning at age twelve, I began journals of dietary plans because I was “fat” at a hundred and five pounds. You wouldn’t believe the torture I subjected my body to. Constantly pinching and sucking in, stabbing and slicing, nail digging and severe teeth grinding. I just wanted to crawl outside of my body. But, the more awake I became, the more I discovered dissociated memories of the child sexual abuse. A shocking part of myself I’d never wanted to accept and only tried to hid,. which fed my ego and pain-body. For years, I was trying to kill off a part of myself because of the severe guilt, shame, and trauma trapped in my inner child. And, already being born with a pain-body due to the hostile environment my mom was pregnant in, it was bound to be a struggle for me. I never once considered turning back or stopping myself from growing, reflecting and awakening though. The cycle of life, the flow of life, became more obvious to my conscious self and my heart opened to more and more trusting. The more trusting I became, the more Life became my friend, the more peaceful my life became.
I never blamed life for giving me my childhood. I saw it as an opportunity to help others. To inspire others to know they can absolutely heal and awake to life. I took every hardship as a lesson, a way to break down my pain-body. I accepted where I was and the emotions I needed to feel to release from my body. This resulted in horrid visions flooding steadily for months and, with each, followed a body alignment. Plus, torn rib cartilage from severe coughing, quarter-sized hives and cystic acne for months. My body had a lot to release. But again, I knew that the negative emotions and energy needed to be felt and released for me to be able to become fully Present.
It was a hard battle and, at times, still is. I personally feel that having experienced childhood trauma and abuse makes awakening more challenging in a way, but also carries profound healing results that positively affect humanity on a large scale. That’s why it is so important that the scared rebels awake; to show others that there is a way out of fear-based conditioning. As Buddha puts it, “The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.” When you awake, you face the appearance of your ego, pain-body, perceptions, and find your authentic self.
Are you awake or is there something blocking your awakening?